I am afraid of commitments. Yes, "I am" and I won't deny it. The reasons could be varied; drenched and loathed with some sins. Sins that they did to me. Sins that everyone talked of, but no one really understood. They say when you've had a taste of perfection, you start making comparisons. Well, that could be because you never understand the value of something until its gone.When someone takes care of you like no one has or ever will, you start having a distinctive approach towards the one, you've set your standards no one would ever be able to reach up to; and then when you're accustomed to all that infatuated love, the one leaves you smudging all the vivid memories you ever created. People call "some thing" as love, are they really? I don't want to give myself away to someone who won't value what I've given to him. I've started accepting that forever doesn't exist. No, not even Death. My feelings are un-dead, but my involvement is erased. The harsh memories of a grief struck girl sitting by the corner of the door, all messed up with her own self has still not faded away. There still exists a crack in the brick, and a bad sector in the memory. No matter how much love am bestowed upon with, I still feel insecure, cause I know forever doesn't exist. When I fall, I remind me of the one who loves me much, but still this fear doesn't seem to go. It hurts to hurt the ones you care of, but I push away every thing that relates to love.
You know what you want and who you want it with. But, till when..?
There comes a moment in your lives when you have learned how to smile while trying to fake it all this time. So, I choose to be what I want to be, I choose to be me. I wish to live this moment unaware of what my tomorrow holds, careless about the next moment. Cause I know at the end there are no best friends and no better halves. Why am I so scared of falling in love? Would I find someone to make me feel like, "No, Let it go, cause am not letting you go away."
Forever doesn't exist.
